Bridget Grace Sheaff (she/her): Walking Shadow Readers Theatre: Halfway to the Middle; Maples Repertory Theatre: Tis the Season; DBQ One Acts: Lighted Fools (winner); Carrollwood Players: Exit Interview; Crafton Hills New Works: And Maybe a River Will Come; Ovate Highway 33: The Next Table; Playwrights’ Round Table: Filmed Before A Live Studio Audience; She is the Director of Audience Services and Community Engagement at Maples Repertory Theatre and  is a member of the Lincoln Center Directors Lab 2019 and Directors Lab North 2022. BA 2014 summa cum laude, The Catholic University of America. www.bridgetgracesheaff.com

Cohabitants

CHARACTERS

RILEY- f, early 30s, comfort

MARCUS- m, early 30s, excitement

At rise, MARCUS is surveying the apartment. He’s got a cheerful energy about him. RILEY is standing near the kitchen, her arms crossed, watching him look around.

RILEY
Well?

MARCUS
I like what you’ve done with it. Looks like everything fits.

RILEY
So far. Yes. One more box to unpack.

MARCUS
Lots of sunlight./ I know I say that every time.

RILEY
/Yes, you’ve mentioned before, Marcus.

MARCUS
But it’s nice. Lots of natural light. That’s good.

RILEY
It is good.

He tries to kiss her. She turns so he catches her cheek. It’s mostly playful.

MARCUS
You happy, Riley? With your new apartment?

RILEY
Hm.

MARCUS
What’s wrong?

RILEY
Nothing.

MARCUS
Something.

RILEY
Sorry. I’m feeling a little grouchy. But I don’t know why.

MARCUS
Okay.

RILEY
Grouchy with you, I think.

MARCUS
(pouting a little) With me? Did I do something?

RILEY
I’m... not sure.

MARCUS
Oh. (beat) That does make it tricky for me to fix it.

RILEY
Well, don’t try to fix it.

MARCUS
I don’t want you to be grumpy.

RILEY
Grouchy.

MARCUS
Right. Grouchy is angrier. Grouchy is worse.

RILEY
Are you teasing me?

MARCUS
No, I’m not. I agree with you.

RILEY
Well. That’s not helping.

MARCUS
... So. What, do you wanna fight?

RILEY
A little.

MARCUS
Okay. Let’s fight.

RILEY
Now you’re being all reasonable and it’s making me feel ridiculous.

MARCUS
Okay.

RILEY
No, stop, UGH, stop being accommodating.

MARCUS
... No? I don’t know how to accommodate being unaccommodating.

RILEY
We’re supposed to be fighting.

MARCUS
I know. We’re really bad at it.

RILEY
I know.

MARCUS
Let’s try again. Okay. (putting on a mad face) Riley. You’re being ridiculous.

RILEY
I know I am.

MARCUS
No, see, that’s not fighting, Ry.

RILEY
But it’s true.

MARCUS
Call me a name.

RILEY
What?

MARCUS
Like... cheapskate. Or asshole. Something mostly harmless, but still a barb.

RILEY
A barb?

MARCUS
A... criticism. But something mundane.

RILEY
... Okay... stinky... feet.

MARCUS
... Yeah, ouch.

RILEY
(blurting it out) I thought you would ask to move in with me.

Beat.

MARCUS
Oh.

RILEY
... So. That’s why I think I’m grouchy. But I couldn’t have expected you to know that, and that’s not fair, but I did. So. Now I’m a little grouchy and I don’t want to be.

MARCUS
Okay.

RILEY
Okay.

MARCUS
... So. That’s it? Is that what you wanted to say?

RILEY
No.

MARCUS
Oh.

RILEY
I have more to say.

MARCUS
Uh... alright.

RILEY
And you don’t want me to say it.

MARCUS
No, I do. I just... go ahead.

RILEY
Yeah. So. The whole time I was searching, and signing the lease, and moving in, and you were carrying stuff from the truck and looking at my Pinterest boards, and... I didn’t want to move to this apartment by myself, okay? I mean, I kept asking for your opinion. I kept asking what you thought and what you wanted and what you needed and I thought maybe, deep down I thought, maybe you’d take that as an invitation.

MARCUS
Yeah... and I didn’t.

RILEY
At all, Marcus.

MARCUS
Because that would be crazy.

RILEY
Uh, not that crazy.

MARCUS
It’s kind of a leap. I mean, I thought you wanted another set of eyes, someone to think of things you might have been too distracted to see or, I don’t know. That’s not an unreasonable thing to ask your partner.

RILEY
Well... yes. It’s not like I don’t value your opinion or something, I just. If anything I value your opinion too much, like I wanted you to have an opinion and I wanted it to be “I should live here too!”

MARCUS
Okay, well, you could have said that.

RILEY
I wanted it to be your idea.

MARCUS
Okay, well... it wasn’t. Are you really going to be mad about that?

RILEY
Kind of. Are you going to be mad that I’m mad?

MARCUS
Yeah, a little.

RILEY
Well, this sucks.

MARCUS
Yeah.

RILEY
... This is, like, a real fight now, isn’t it?

MARCUS
I think so.

RILEY
Fuck.

MARCUS
I know.

They sit on opposite couches. A few beats of silence.

I don’t know... I guess I thought we weren’t ready.

RILEY
We weren’t or you weren’t?

MARCUS
Both?

RILEY
Well, I was ready, so right now you’re half wrong.

MARCUS
I know.

RILEY
So. You’re saying you’re not ready.

MARCUS
I don’t know what I’m saying. I wasn’t expecting to be having this conversation.

RILEY
So you’re not even ready for this conversation.

MARCUS
Geeze, Riley.

RILEY
I’m just... mad, okay? I’m mad. I’m not grouchy, grumpy, hungry, whatever. I’m mad.

MARCUS
I know... I know you are. I know..

RILEY
So?

MARCUS
You want an answer now?

RILEY
Yes.

MARCUS
I don’t even remember what the question is.

RILEY
Are you not ready to live together?

MARCUS
I’m… I’m thinking.

RILEY
Thinking about an answer or thinking about whether you are ready?

MARCUS
This is making my stomach hurt.

RILEY
Shouldn’t this be much easier?

MARCUS
I don’t think scary things are ever easy.

RILEY
... You’re scared?

MARCUS
Terrified.

RILEY
… Of me?

MARCUS
No. Of me.

RILEY
Oh. (beat) That feels like a cheesy answer rather than a real one.

MARCUS
Well. It’s real. I don’t want to screw it up. And if I’m, you know (gestures broadly) here, there’s a much higher probability of screwing it up. I mean, we’re fighting right now. Like really fighting. And it’s my fault, and it’s probably... I’m gonna ruin this.

RILEY
... I don’t think so.

MARCUS
I know. And I love you for that. But I can’t help feeling like I have you tricked.

RILEY
Look, I don’t want... I don’t want to pressure you. I just feel very sure. And if that’s not enough, I get it. At minimum, I made you a key.

MARCUS
A key?

RILEY
Yeah. It’s (she pulls it out of her pocket) it’s got a little... bunny cover. I thought it was cute.

MARCUS
Oh. That’s nice.

RILEY
Yeah?

MARCUS
Yeah.

She offers. He takes it.

Thank you.

RILEY
You’re welcome. Anytime.

MARCUS
I’m gonna take you up on that.

RILEY
That’s a good start, then.

They sit in silence. It’s a nice silence.

END OF PLAY.