Mindy Pfeffer is an award-winning playwright/solo performer. Selected playwriting credits: How To Live at 14Y Theater/LABA Second Stage in NYC and the Jewish Culture Festival in Krakow, Poland; Dream Land on the Coney Island boardwalk; Swimming with Esther, Woodstock Fringe Festival; solo play There’s Iron in Your Future at the NYRR RunCenter, Omega Institute, and various fringe festivals. Mindy works as a teaching artist-puppeteer with NYC Kids Project, teaching about inclusion. She is a member of AEA and the Dramatists Guild. Awards: NYSCA Decentralization Grant, LMCC Creative Learning Grant, Byrdecliffe Arts Colony Bernard and Shirley Handel Playwrighting Fellow.

Finding Elvis

Characters:.

Estelle: Best friend of Henrietta since college. Female. Northeasterner (prob NYC) –more in sensibility than anything else. No accent needed. A little brash. 60s-80s  Henrietta: Best friend of Estelle since college. Female. Southern or Midwesterner – more in sensibility than anything else. No accent needed. A little flighty. 60s-80s

ESTELLE and HENRIETTA could be called “old biddies” – but at the same time they are very youthful in spirit.

Setting:

Two locations: the interior of a mini-van and the side of a country road. These can be represented as simply or as elaborately or as the production team desires. An Elvis bust is revealed in the play (picture attached at end of play - playwright has access to one) OR any kind of facsimile will work.

Time:

Summer, the present

At rise: ESTELLE is driving. Tension hangs palpably in the air. A few beats before HENRIETTA speaks.

HENRIETTA
But why can’t we go back?

ESTELLE
…

HENRIETTA
Why? … Why??

ESTELLE
I don’t want that cop to change his mind.

HENRIETTA
I just wanted to be there, one more time, in that Piggly-Wiggly, in the EXACT spot where Vern and I met… You said the “Piggly Wiggly Pilgrimage” was a big part of the trip! Exorcise the past, now that Vern is gone, move on with my life – and I didn’t get to, and…

ESTELLE
I didn’t expect you to get arrested!

HENRIETTA
I didn’t get arrested!!!

ESTELLE
Then what would you call it?

HENRIETTA
I got a warning. It’s very different.

ESTELLE
Let’s see... Your license expired two years ago.

HENRIETTA
I’ll renew it as soon as we get home, I promise!

ESTELLE
You had a jug of wine on the dashboard.

HENRIETTA
I only had a one teeny tiny little sip.

ESTELLE
You almost hit a parked police car.

HENRIETTA
The sun was in my eyes. I couldn’t see.

ESTELLE
The officer said if you were caught driving again in this state - or any other in the next five months - he’d throw you in jail so fast you couldn’t even say the word ticket, much less wait for one to be written.

HENRIETTA
But he didn’t give me one…

ESTELLE
AND SO NOW I HAVE TO DO ALL THE DRIVING.

HENRIETTA
I’m sorry.

ESTELLE
And you know how much I HATE to drive.

HENRIETTA
Yes.

ESTELLE
And we’re late on top of that because of you and the damned cop.

HENRIETTA
You know how much I hate when you curse.

ESTELLE does not answer, gives HENRIETTA a “look.”

HENRIETTA
I’m sorry!! How many times do I have to say it?

ESTELLE
And now I’m not sure where we are because I was driving too fast to pay attention to the directions because I was afraid the cop would change his mind and come after us. Now we’re lost. I’ll never see Elvis.

HENRIETTA
He’s DEAD.

ESTELLE gives HENRIETTA another “look.”

ESTELLE
You know what I mean.

HENRIETTA
Maybe we can go back to the Piggly Wiggly… Maybe the cop will be gone… and, and, we can fix things, I don’t know, somehow…

ESTELLE
If we do that, we’re not going to get to Memphis in time to check in at the motel and we’ll miss our reservation for Graceland and then we’ll have to turn around and drive all the way home. FOR NOTHING.

HENRIETTA
This is not my fault!

ESTELLE
You’re the one who made us stop at the Piggly-Wiggly!

HENRIETTA
I made us stop? I made us stop?!?! The Pilgrimage was your idea!

ESTELLE
OKAY. YES. Sure, the Pilgrimage was my idea, but, going to GRACELAND was yours!!! Remember? You knew I’d been wanting to go my whole life. But Howie didn’t want me to. And Vern wouldn’t let you. And when you said we should go – I thought now that they’re both gone - we can finally do this ONE thing for ourselves.

HENRIETTA
I do a lot for myself. You know I always have my nails manicured. You should too. You should wear more makeup. You should dress nicer.

ESTELLE
Will you stop telling me what to do??

HENRIETTA
Will YOU stop yelling at me? For once?

ESTELLE
I’ll YELL AS MUCH AS I WANT TO!

HENRIETTA
STOP THE CAR.

ESTELLE
I can’t stop the car, we’re on the highway.

HENRIETTA
I want to get out.

ESTELLE
I can’t imagine WHY I ever thought this was a good idea!

HENRIETTA
I don’t know what you thought, I don’t care. I don’t want to be near you. I JUST WANT TO GET OUT.

ESTELLE
It’s not safe.

HENRIETTA picks ESTELLE’s purse up from the dashboard, opens the door on her side of the van and throws the purse out.

ESTELLE
Jesus H. Christ, have you lost your mind???

HENRIETTA
You know how much I hate when you curse...

ESTELLE pulls over and puts the car keys in her pocket.

HENRIETTA
What are you doing?

ESTELLE
Looking for my purse. What the hell else would I be doing??

ESTELLE runs off. around a bit, maybe starts to cry. HENRIETTA slowly gets out of the van. SHE wanders around a bit, maybe starts to cry.

HENRIETTA
Oh no oh no what did I do, oh dear, oh no, what have I done…

HENRIETTA bumps into something - parts a pile of leaves - and reveals - an ELVIS BUST. Ugly but appealing in its own campy way.

HENRIETTA
OH MY FUCKING LORD. Oh. My. God. It’s a sign!!!

HENRIETTA yells off in the direction ESTELLE went.

HENRIETTA
ESTELLE? I’m sorry I threw your purse out the window. Really! But you have to come back! Right now! You have to see this!

ESTELLE runs back, carrying her purse.

ESTELLE
I just found it... WHAT? What is it?

HERIETTA
LOOK!!!

ESTELLE
Oh my god.

HENRIETTA
It’s amazing.

HENRIETTA slowly sits on the ground next to the bust while she examines. it intently. Long pause while ESTELLE stares at the bust.

ESTELLE
Oh my god!

HENRIETTA
It’s a sign.

HENRIETTA tentatively reaches out and caresses the bust.

ESTELLE
Don’t touch it.

HENRIETTA
Maybe even - a sign from above!

HENRIETTA cradles the bust in her arms.

ESTELLE
Leave it be!

HENRIETTA
He found us.

ESTELLE
Um, no, actually, it’s not a “he” it’s an “it.”

HENRIETTA
He might even be a miracle.

ESTELLE
It. It! Not “He” - IT.

HENRIETTA
How can you say that? You’re hurting his feelings.

ESTELLE
He can’t hear me.

HENRIETTA
AHA!

ESTELLE
What??

HENRIETTA
You called him “he.”

HENRIETTA takes out a bottle of antibacterial lotion and tissues from her pocket and starts cleaning the bust.

ESTELLE
Leave IT alone!

HENRIETTA
But he’s dirty. I don’t want him in the car like this.

ESTELLE
We’re losing even MORE time. I don’t believe this!

HENRIETTA
WHERE’S YOUR FAITH? YOUR TRUST? What’s wrong with you? How can you, of all people, not see this? It’s amazing! We didn’t even have to find Elvis. He found us. He wants to bring us back together.

ESTELLE
That’s not Elvis! It – it – it’s ugly. It’s dirty. It…

HENRIETTA
But it’s a sign. I mean, he’s a sign. For us. For this trip! Oh my goodness gracious!

ESTELLE
What?

HENRIETTA
You were right! We have to get to Graceland. Now!! WHAT WAS I THINKING? Let’s put him in the car and GO. I don’t care how fast you drive.

HENRIETTA gets up, still holding the bust, and starts off towards the mini-van.

ESTELLE
No. Not like this.

HENRIETTA
What is wrong with you?!?!

ESTELLE
I’m not sure.

HENRIETTA
You’re not making sense!

ESTELLE
I know.

HENRIETTA
So let’s go.

ESTELLE
I - can’t. You know something? I’m sorry we didn’t stop at the Piggly Wiggly. Maybe that’s the problem. You said that before. I should have listened to you.

HENRIETTA
Who cares about the fucking Piggly Wiggly? There’s something else much bigger for us. HOLY SHIT I don’t know what it is but...

ESTELLE
HENRIETTA!

HENRIETTA
Well. After 37 years of not one swear word, EVER, it’s bound to come out somehow. Maybe it’s because of (she gestures to the bust) HIM. Dang. I’m - oh oh oh my Lord, please forgive me for what I’m about to say - but – I gotta say it - I’m almost glad the good Lord took Vern when he did. (Pause) OH dear Lord please forgive me for saying all this!!

HENRIETTA starts to cry.

ESTELLE
Henrietta. Henny.

HENRIETTA
Nobody’s called me “Henny” in like a hundred years.

ESTELLE
I know… Henny…

HENRIETTA
Why did I ever marry him? What was I thinking? He never loved me the way I wanted him to. I don’’t think he ever understood me. He spent all of his time on his hobbies, his model trains, his daffodils, he never really saw me. I wasted my whole entire damned life, and...

ESTELLE
He loved you. In his own way. I know he did. I saw the two of you. At your wedding. After your wedding. For years. Whatever else you might say about him, you can’t say he didn’t love you...

HENRIETTA
I guess. Yeah. But he’s dead. It doesn’t matter.

ESTELLE
It does matter.

ESTELLE sits next to HENRIETTA.

HENRIETTA
I don’t know.

ESTELLE
Let’s sit here a while with it – “him” – and then – I don’t know – OH! let’s go back to the Piggly-Wiggly. You can have your final farewell to Vern.

HENRIETTA
Why the change of heart? What about Graceland?!?!

ESTELLE
Why? What’s the point? It’s only a house, for God’s sake. So what if Elvis lived there... What do I think, we’re going to get saved or something? He was just – a man – okay, at one time, a really hot man, but still… I dragged you all the way here for nothing. Nothing! I’m sorry. It wouldn’t matter even if we got there in time and went on the damned tour five times.

HENRIETTA
But... it has to mean something...

ESTELLE
WHY?

HENRIETTA
Just - because... it’s - a journey - a destination – he was the King, after all. He had something. Those hips. Those lips.

ESTELLE
You never liked him!

HENRIETTA
Well – maybe I was afraid...

ESTELLE
Of Elvis?

HENRIETTA
No, not him, really, just - something – about him - ooooh - he would sing – it was like, like, a volcano inside… girls went crazy – back then – even now - those hips - those lips...

ESTELLE
Those hips - those lips...

HENRIETTA
Those hips - those lips... WHAT ARE WE DOING? Let’s get moving! So what if we missed the Piggly-Wiggly, we’re on our way to GRACELAND. To Elvis!

ESTELLE
YES. Let’s get to Graceland and then let’s go out and then... Then... we’ll do something! Oh Lord! I feel my temperature rising!

HENRIETTA
I’m all shook up!

ESTELLE
Yeah!

HENRIETTA
Yeah! The past is gone! Vern is gone! Howie’s gone! We’re here. You and me!

ESTELLE
Yeah!

HENRIETTA
Graceland here we come!!

HENRIETTA jumps up and pulls ESTELLE up off the ground.

HENRIETTA picks up the bust. Hands it to ESTELLE. ESTELLE hugs it.

END OF PLAY